can I just take a break from studying to say how much I just can't get behind the field of philosophy?


My reading just said this: "According to R. Todd Engstrom of Cornell's Laboratory of Ornithology, the world population of common ravens is something like half a million. More troublesome is the number of nonblack things. It is astronomical."

Is it possible to say that statement with a straight face? This is in reference to trying to prove that "all ravens are black" by proving that "all nonblack things are nonravens."

Why would you go about doing this.

It actually gets better. that was the original statement where I was like, I sort of want to get out my computer and immortalize this sentence, but I really should just keep reading for my exam tomorrow. But then I came upon this gem, trying to prove that All Loch Ness monsters are green.

"Imagine going around and assigning a number to every nongreen thing in the world. Non green thing #42,990,276 is a blue lawn elf. Is it a non-Loch Ness monster? Yes! It supports the hypothesis..."

Blue lawn elfs, nonravens. One more and I'm done...

i titled my one act "the love of oceans" and spent a medium amount of time with Bland talking about the nature of open water.

He mentioned that the word for mother in french, "mère" and the word for sea, "mer" are phonetically the same. Just something that can mean something if you want to, i guess.

But then I was just doing chinese, and...

oh damn. this computer doesn't write chinese. and i was only taking short break to say how "mu" of "fumu" and "hai" for ocean or sea, have the same main character bit. but this is turning into a too long a distraction from studying. later i will edit this iwth the correct chinese characters. oh exams, how i do not love thee.

"A meal without cheese is like a beautiful woman with one eye."

-Anthelme Brillat Savarin

via Alex at dinner a month or two ago. 

 it blows my mind to see how beautiful Lena is. 

how lucky i am, lucky! lucky! 

I am the luckiest girl in the WORLD. 





Aspen said the best thing: 

"It sounds like you may be too good to be true but that doesn't make it false, does it?"





RIGHT. RIGHT RIGHT.

 love is a place
& through this place of
love move
(with brightness of peace)
all places

yes is a world
& in this world of
yes live
(skilfully curled)
all worlds



e.e. cummings

so

i'm cheating a little bit. i ahve to write a "brief exchange" and i'm distracting myself by looking back through old things that i've written...

and i found this one. which i like. it was fun. i like the who is fantasizing who bits.

We're down south and it's 125 blocks to freedom. 125 blocks till night falls 125 blocks until the lights go out 125 blocks until the stage is ours 125 blocks and we're home. 125 blocks and we are the moon and the stars and we're going to land on the Apollo. We've got 125 blocks to go and we're holding hands. I'm white and she's Jamaican and we're holding hands because we've got 125 blocks to go and we're color blind against the sidewalk, from down south to west 125^th street, And he's white and she's Chinese, and he's black and she's white and color blind doesn't mean shit because you're always thinking how beautiful you are. And it's 125 blocks until the lights go down and the way our sweat looks on our faces under the lights and WHO IS FANTISIZING WHO on the moon landing on west 125^th street in the summer time. WHO is fantasizing who when we lie in bed and 125 blocks away there black porcelain toilets and a man who doesn't know your name offering you a towel and 125 blocks away there are white porcelain toilets and men who will treat the man at the door like a towel, they will ignore, use, and discard and we're down south 125 blocks to go and the middle is dangerous territory but at least we have each other, fantasizing. 125 blocks. On foot at least.

            125 blocks except now we can fly. 125 blocks and we're on the express train uptown. Uptown underground we have wings and we're flying too close to the sun, and people are telling us to stop, stop, but it's only 125 blocks so we think we can do it. 125 blocks and we're the shit. We've got our "new york city" duds on and we're gonna blowwww it up because we came from soho through the village through the upper east side and we're in harlem, we're the renaissance because we're so colorful that we explode onto the walls and the ceiling. Because in thinking we're beautiful we're flying too close to the sun like who is fantasizing 125 blocks who 125 blocks is fantasizing white and black and 125 blocks who is fantasizing who.

Ready for it?

No seriously, are you ready for it.

Okay, I will tell you.

The secret is...

drum roll please...

ONE NAP A DAY.

Hallelujah. One nap a day makes the world go round. I haven't really discovered this before because there haven't really been long stretches of times when it's just me and Lena, therefore I rule everything. And even worse, when she's with Whitney, Whitney drives her around all day, which is great, because she gets to go out and things, but the car immediately puts her to sleep, so she's been cat napping all day. But the last 3 days L has been having one good nap 11-2, and nothing else. Why is this so important do you say? Why is this the secret of parenting?
Because Lena is in bed by 8 o'clock.
And then proceeds to sleep 11 hours.

Holy mother of cowbells. It's 9, I've done all the dishes, cleaned up L's toys, emptied the trash in all the bathrooms, put the trashcans out on the curb, AND ... actually that's it. Now i'm just watching gilmore girls and knitting/typing.

I LOVE WINTER BREAK.

Now if only I could win the lottery so I could move into my secret garden cottage...

So the Babysitter is sick, which means my 12 hour study day is being cut short by a very cute little baby that does not have anyone to play with.

Which means I stayed up late last night studying, and now I'm sitting at the breakfast table typing up notes while Lena navigates herself around a not quite ripe pear. (It's funny.)

So I'm on lecture 6 out of 12 for this exam, and I've just hit page 13 typing in size 10 font, and I'm actually getting excited. I really like genetics, I think it has amazing potential to change the medical world as we know it. We had Dr. Jim Evans, who is apparently a bigwig in the medical genetics field, he hobknobs with supreme court justices and things like that, who doesn't really think medical genetics will change that much right now, and is worried instead about the social/economic/racial stratification that it will bring.

Which I agree with completely, but not really.

So the question is, this is a burgeoning field of science, who do we throw the money to? Cancer genetics? Cancer might become the biggest killer in the coming years (fact check this: I glanced over this headline on my homepage). Little baby genetics? To have happier healthier kids? Personalized gene chips for personalized medicine? The list goes on and on, all these are worthy causes for government money (more worthy then the damn car industry, that's for sure). But I have other ideas.

Not matter how much technology or knowledge we (the elite doctors and geneticists) have, we're always going to deal with a certain amount of discrimination, here, mainly, I think, against the poor and the uninformed. So what do we need to do to prevent this?

EDUCATION. Teach kids about genetics, what their genome means, and what doctors know.
TEACH STATISTICS: so we know what all these precents mean, don't just throw out words like "predisposition" and "increased risk". It's a numbers game. We can all understand pieces of pie. Give it to us in terms of pie pieces.

(I need to get Lena a bell.)

EDUCATE OUR DOCTORS. Geez, this might be even more important and such a NO BRAINER that it's silly this doesn't happen. Do you know how many people get referred to the genetics clinic at UNC from Fort Bragg for no reason, other then the doctor seeing that a parent of a patient had cancer? Can I get a check on those, I don't know, statistics? I feel like with genetics being this hip new field, doctors that haven't been to med school in the past 5-10 years are attributing more things to genetics because that's what their supposed to, or expected to do. The seem to have forgotten this thing called OLD AGE and the fact that A Lot of people will get cancer as long as we're exposed to enough stuff in this world.

End rant. I need to go back to studying.

So I'm writing this essay for english, and it's this roundabout food essay type thing about cooking with Lena. In conference with Bland, he reccommended that I do a parody type thing (my words, not his) about teaching Lena to cook, and doing it sort of sneakily so it's only at the end when the reader really realizes that Lena is only 10 months, and what the hell are you doing teaching your 10 month old to cook? So I kind of like that idea, and I'm sort of excited about having a line in there being like, the souffles were a disaster. That's humor!

In other food news, I freakin love Rachael Ray. She is amazing. I love everything about her. Her hair, her clothes, that sexy raspy voice of hers. Sometimes I'll flip to 30 minute meals if my parents are late getting home, and every now and then her recipes inspire me so much that I have to make whatever she's making as soon as possible.

And everything that I've made from 30 minute meals has been a hit. And Friday night's meal was no exception. Plus there was an appetizer and a main course.

Hot 'n Sweet Shrimp Lettuce Wraps

Taken from rachaelray.com

Ingredients

• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1/4 cup rice wine vinegar
• 1 1-inch ginger root, peeled and thinly sliced
• 2 tablespoons vegetable or other light oil
• 1 red onion, chopped
• 2 small red chili peppers, very thinly sliced
• 1/4 pound shiitake mushrooms, stems removed and chopped
• 4 cloves garlic, chopped
• 1 1/2 pounds medium shrimp, deveined, tails off
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper
• 1 head iceberg lettuce, cored and quartered

Preparation

Combine the sugar, vinegar and ginger in a small pot and bring to a boil. Dissolve the sugar and turn off the heat; reserve.

In a skillet, heat the oil over medium-high heat. Sauté the onions, chili peppers, mushrooms and garlic for 3-4 minutes, then add the shrimp and toss for 3-4 minutes more until pink and firm. Do not overcook! Douse the pan with the sweet vinegar and season with salt and pepper, to taste. Serve with cold lettuce for wrapping the hot-sweet shrimp.

Orange-Sesame Chicken with Teriyaki Soba Noodles

Adapted from rachaelray.com.

Ingredients

• Salt
• 1 package soba noodles
• 5 tablespoons vegetable or light oil
• 4 chicken thighs, skin on
• Freshly ground black pepper
• 3 tablespoons orange marmalade
• 6 tablespoons teriyaki sauce
• 1 teaspoon sesame oil
• 1 bunch scallions, thinly sliced on an angle
• 1 cup shelled, frozen edamame
• 1 tablespoon black sesame seeds or toasted sesame seeds (optional)

Preparation

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil for the pasta and cook the pasta to al dente.

While the pasta cooks, heat 2 tablespoons of oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Season the chicken with salt and pepper and cook (covered) for 6 minutes on the first side, the 6-7minutes on the second. Remove the chickens to a plate and reserve; cover with foil. Add 3 tablespoons orange marmalade, a couple tablespoons teriyaki sauce and 1/4 cup of water to the pan; bring the sauce to a bubble and combine for 1 minute, then stir in sesame oil remove from heat.

While the chops cook, heat a second skillet with 3 tablespoons oil over medium high heat. Stir fry the scallions and edamame for a couple of minutes. Drain the pasta and toss with the scallions and edamame and remaining teriyaki sauce, about 1/4 cup. Sprinkle noodles with sesame seeds, if desired.

Serve chickens topped with the orange-sesame glaze. Serve the teriyaki noodles alongside.

We ate all of the shrimps, and Lena loved the soba noodles and the edamames, even though they make her very stinky. The perils of soy protein.

my new duvet cover:


I'm washing it right now. I can't wait to snuggle under my covers with colorful owls and funny trees!

There is a river

there is a cheerful ignorance
a chance meeting and
luck like gold that cannot be
mined or
stolen

a common atom

a dance

and stars that trick the
water with their certain
magic

do not wash your wars in it
take your holy rituals to the
precious fountains built by your
agencies of fear

press your
wine from the fallout
and drink your
bitter victory

for yes

there is a river
a giving river that will
sing you safely

a river of
light

final
fast
and
free

where you can
disrobe
and leave your casual sadness
walking sideways at the
shore

meet me there
whoever you are
and we will agree to
swim in it
together

-s.a. griffin






i'm watching lena, and i miss ira, and i don't know what to do about all this hate and ugliness in the world and i guess the only way to deal with it is just to fill ourselves with love. love love love and nothing but love.

meet me?

I freakin hate when people waste my time. Right now, time=most precious commodity around here. I got done with my exam super early, and instead of staying on campus to study, I think, I'll go home, because I want to see Lena, and it's 12:30. So Whitney texts me around 12 asking me when I'll be home, and I tell her around 1 after my bus comes, and she says, okay, we're hurrying and eating lunch. And I think, okay, they're eating lunch at home.

Doesn't bother to tell me that they're out to lunch.

Or, that they're not going to be home until 2.

Which it is now.

And while I enjoy being at home by myself, it's not what I really had planned, because I don't focus that well at home, and I don't effing want to be here, and I need to go grocery shopping later, and I had time to do it now, but I didn't because I thought Whitney was going to be home with Lena soon.

I wasted...an hour.

Which isn't that much in the grand scheme of things, but right now, ruining my day. I know, I shouldn't let it, but it is. I'm done with my exam today, I'm crabby, and I want to play with my baby. Is that too much to ask?

I can't stop tapping my feet! I've got the countertop tech going: two laptops and an ipod just jammin away on the counter while I rest on my heels tappity tip tapping with my feet.

I treated myself to new shoes today, an end of classes celebration as well as a reward for not killing anyone this past week, even though multiple people gave me ample reason to.

New shoes!!!!   

This thanksgiving has been a pretty awesome one. Some new discoveries, etc etc. Lena is standing on her own now, for a few seconds at least. Walking is just around the corner...

We went to Wes's lake house this friday. Lena was a ham, what else is new, but the biggest surprise came friday night. We were going to bed, I put her in pajamas that I had bought this wednesday. (Boy pajamas: the main difference from girl pajamas besides the color scheme? They have fake crotches. Fake crotches. I kid you not.) Anyway, it's bedtime, I turn out the lights and blink, Lena lights up like a light bulb! That's right, I bought her GLOW IN THE DARK pajamas. Each monkey, giraffe, elephant, and lion was outlined with a ghostly green glow. She was my own personal glow in the dark star. I laughed. She wiggled around on the floor for a bit, all the jungle animals wiggling about with her, and then went to sleep. Glow in the dark pajamas, I ask you...

In the morning, I don't think she realized that I was sleeping right next to her, so I wake up to her sort of yelling, and I don't see her on her bed, and she's doing a lap around the house looking for me. I called to her as she turned the corner, and she raced over to me smiling. Funny baby. I proceeded to ignore her for thirty minutes or so and tried to sleep in.

I drove Wes to the airport. When he got out and opened the trunk to get his stuff, I walked around to help him. He looked at Lena over the back seat and said to me, "You just don't get sick of her, do you?"

"Nope," I said. And we hugged, and he left. I realized that the noise all the way from Lake Gaston to the airport was something in my heating vent, so I turned off the heat and the sound was gone. Lena sat in the back and blew raspberries all the way home.

Happy thanksgiving, I can't even begin to list all the things I'm thankful for. Suffice it to say, I am thankful.

One of the great things about daylight savings time means that Lena is in bed by 7. Which means by 8 I have all the dishes done, all the bath cleaned up, a cup of tea, and I can settle in front of the tv and watch election updates.

Except by settle down I mean I have a lab report and a couple thousand words to write, and by election updates I mean taped Gilmore Girls. But hey, I finally have a night to myself, and you think I'm going to waste it on CNN?

republicans make me sick.

why are my eyes twitching.

and i do need a new computer because lena officially broke my tab key.

for the past 20 or so minutes while i've been doing chinese homework, lena has been happily occupying herself on the floor. trying to open various cabinets, finding different toys to play with, pulling herself up to standing and then letting herself back down again. all while chittering in a variety of hard consonants to herself.

i am a little sad, i feel like she doesn't need me anymore. sniff sniff.

FOR THE RECORD

Can I just say what I think about all this bullshit Palin stuff? Number one, I think that I carry kind of anti-feminist views on this issue, because I do think it is irresponsible for a mother of a high-needs child, plus a kid that is going to need a lot of help from her mother in the coming months to accept the vice presidential nomination.

oh, speaking of which, as a former pregnant teen, the best advice i got from anyone was, stay in school. whatever you do, stay in school as long as you possibly can, and go back as soon as you can. i question the palins as parents for taking their daughter out of school. it does nothing but make her feel shamed and shunned. which are probably two of the worst and most prevalent feelings that you can feel. oh the second best piece of advice? don't marry that loser that got you pregnant. (okay maybe they're in love and they will be happily married for 80 + years after this. in which case, strike this next comment.) better a bastard child than an unhappy marriage. because damn, if i had to contend with having a kid right now AND being married? jeez. i just have no respect for palin as a mother, or as a woman at this point.

because i'm not even touching on the hypocrisy of all the "we're proud of her for the CHOICE she made" because oh what's that? you don't believe that women should have choices?

i also can't respect her for putting her daughter in the spotlight because of all this. it makes me really angry. granted, her daughter could be completely fine with everything, in which case, mmm, my foot does taste good, but i can't imagine that she is.

oh and p.s. sarah palin is probably the most underqualified person for the vice presidency, much less the presidency. let's at least get a person with a basic working knowledge of us history, the us government, foreign affairs and environmental issues, please. because oh, we saw how well the past 8 years worked out.

we went swinging today!

well, first we had to find swings. we went to wilson park first, but apparently they took down the swings because of "lack of sand". "lack of sand" seriously? it's a PARK, there should be 1, sand, and 2, swings!

anyway, it was very disapointing, because lena can't really play on a playground except for swings, and we would have tried sliding, but there were lots of other bigger kids, so she might have gotten squished, yadda yadda yadda LONG STORY SHORT, we had to go all the way out to meadowmont to find swings, but it was totally worth it. can i just say that i love digital cameras? i took 50+ pictures of lena. OHHH NO attack of the baby over and out